Protected: better living: step away from the triggers

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you are never burden at home.
at home, you always belong.
never unwelcome to return home.

it is like a bed. how can you possibly sleep in a bed where you are an unwelcome burden in someone else’s place?

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apologies 101


All genuine apologies: Admit the fault, Apologize without excuse, Ask how to restore, Act immediately.

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in the past month, alone, i have been assaulted with:
“you’re an asshole”
“poor parenting”
“piece of shit parent”
and the old stand by, “kids hate you”

which are from a spoiled 17yr old girl caught with her hand in cookie jars?

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When I was 18:

I had graduated high school Summa Cum Laude.  I had applied to many universities and was accepted at almost all of them, but chose the University of Texas at Austin.  After enduring an appendectomy two weeks or so prior, I moved out of my mother’s home and into my dorm room that I couldn’t afford (but didn’t know that yet).  Barely walking due to surgery, I started college and got a job.  My job to pay for my dorm and meals prevented me from actually getting dinner.  So I sufficed with getting a bit of lunch-to-go in the mornings.  It was a difficult start to college, but within a year, I was working as a “co-op engineering student” at IBM.  Yay.

When I was 24:

I was gainfully employed at Texas Instruments and selected as the lead engineer for the Sun Microsystems contract for the products we would manufacture and test. (It was kind of a big deal in the technical world.)  I had a wife and a 2 year old daughter, living in a 3 bedroom apartment with a new car and washer/dryer.  Life was good.  A year later, I’m figuring out that divorce was inevitable.  Yay.

When I was 30:

I had my own consulting business, a (2nd) wife and 3 children.  Every penny my family had was solicited, earned, and collected by yours truly.  I did rather well, though I didn’t know it because I didn’t account for any of it.  That was the wife’s part – spend and keep track of bills.  Life was pretty good.  Little did I know how difficult self employment would be over the next 5 years.

When I was 36:

Business was in the toilet (thanks, 9-11) and decided to sell myself to the government for a few extra hundred per month.  Also, really wanted to do military service all my life but never wanted to deal with it.  That makes sense to me, somehow.  I spent that year in basic training and Officer Candidate School.  The remnants of my business tanked.  My 4th and final child was born.  I embraced being just a soldier/employee full time and only helped out former clients as a favor.

When I was 42:

I went to war.  It was a horrible experience.

When I was 43:

My second divorce began and I learned things about how my children’s mother treated them behind my back.  That was a nastier divorce than most deal with.  Not often a mother calls the police on her own children for peacefully walking away from her abusive behavior.  Enough said on that.

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Random Links of the Day


RadioLab (NPR Program)

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Alan Turing


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